I’m torn between sadness and laughing. I’m leaning more towards the laughter part (and did let out a chuckle or two); B doesn’t feel the sadness of the situation so I have no concerns there.

This is a conversation between 4.5-year-old B and his nearly-4-year-old cousin, whom he declared "my bestest buddy!!" this morning as I was driving him over to play while I went to my appointment. My sister sent me this via email a few minutes ago.

Overheard after I had explained to C and B that daddy/uncle M would be driving B home and then taking C for a haircut instead of C going to play at B’s house because they had played here instead:

C:  Daddy drive you home
B:  Not my daddy
C:  Where you daddy go?
B:  I don’t have a daddy
B: S tells me he’s my daddy but he isn’t

A few minutes later….

C:  Where yous daddy go?
B:  I don’t have a daddy
C:  Yous daddy want live you? [probably meaning to ask "don’t want to live with you"]  Where yous daddy go?
B:  You mean do I have a daddy?
C:  Yeah
B:  I don’t
C:  A bear?  [insert eating noises]
B:  My daddy?
C:  Yeah.  Yous daddy died?
B:  No.  I don’t have a daddy.

I’m not sure what the part about S telling him he’s his daddy is about because he doesn’t do that. Maybe he’s referring to when I asked him if he wanted to change his last name or to when we talk about getting married and living in the same house.

Reading the conversation through the email, I can see that C is struggling so hard to figure out why B doesn’t have a daddy. I mean, what possible reason could there be, right? Poor guy. I love the part where he wonders if a bear ate B’s daddy. It’s as good a reason as any, I guess.

Do not google for causes of thigh pain. Do not google to try and diagnose yourself.

Since February or March, I’ve had a sharp, deep, ache in the left side of my left thigh. My B12 was low and I was in the midst of a series of injections when I mentioned it to my doctor. He said that low B12 can affect the muscular and neurological systems and that it may go away with the continued shots. I had a series of five shots - once a week for five weeks - and it did indeed go away shortly after the last injection. And so I thought that the doctor was right, that it was related and had been taken care of. Since then, I’ve been taking a sublingual B12 pills and have been feeling fine (as opposed to the tired, completely worn out, sluggishness of pre-B12). I have a follow-up appointment in early July to check my levels again.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, the 11th or 12th of May, when the ache, which had been present again mildly all week, hit me hard and I ended up crying mid-conversation on the phone with my boyfriend. We had just picked up house paint at Home Depot and were in separate cars driving back to our respective houses. The next day as we were painting on the house it hit again. These aches were so much stronger than they were back in the winter - not any deeper as it was still unreachable, but much stronger, much sharper, and it hurt a whole lot more. I was of the "it won’t kill me, I’ll just whimper quietly" mindset but my boyfriend wanted me to call the doctor (he was worried about blood clots from being on the pill) and so I did. And they booked me an appointment for May 27, weeks into the future. The receptionist told me, "I’ve checked with the doctor and he said it’s definitely not your B12 but I can’t get you in until May 27." At that appointment, he referred me to the Vascular Clinic with "DVT" circled on the requisition. I have never been of the opinion (uneducated, however) that is was a blood clot since I don’t have any of the usual symptoms with that - soreness, heat, swelling, redness. So today I went to the Clinic and they used a doppler on my leg and told me that it wasn’t a clot. She said that my doctor may now have me get a full ultrasound on the leg but that it definitely wasn’t a clot. So now I have to wait until Monday to call my doctor to book another appointment as they’re closed Fridays and since they won’t call me if there’s nothing abnormal in the results. I don’t know what it is but I believe that it’s not normal.

So in the meantime, I will refrain from googling symptoms to check out the possibilities. I don’t need to read about Ewing’s sarcoma first thing in the morning. Actually, I’m not sitting here on pins and needles all worried, but I don’t want to find out what it is and how to fix it. Of course, the ache hasn’t been there since the week after I called to book the last appointment but I don’t doubt that it will return. Going gray and falling apart. Am I that age already!?