Over the past two years, I have accumulated and maintained an extra 15 pounds on my frame. My normal and healthy weight for my small frame is around 110 pounds. These 15 extra pounds feel absolutely awful on me and the look of my stomach, butt, and thighs (which is where the majority of my weight goes) makes me feel even more awful. I cannot squeeze into my "old" clothes at all and feel awful in the clothes I do have. I do not like my body as it is and I do not want to learn to like it. There is no good reason for it to be the way that it is. About a year before the first pounds started creeping up, I spontaneously quit a 3-day-a-week gym habit. I did not enjoy the gym but it had become routine - on my days off I would drop B at daycare for the morning, go to the gym at work, do my workout, and be back home within an hour or an hour and a half. And I felt great once I was done - energized and healthy. And the things it did for my body - I loved that about it.

I have tried to maintain a workout routine at home a couple of times since then but have always let it slide until I had given it up entirely. I posted a few weeks ago on my Facebook that I would love to find a trainer. Not at the gym since I don’t want to get another membership; I wouldn’t be able to go often enough or regularly enough to make it worth the cost, especially considering that I’m trying to cut expenses and save money. I know a trainer would be expensive. I haven’t looked into it yet though to see just how much it will cost. I’m thinking of someone that I could meet with once or twice a week for help and accountability, someone who will meet me at the park or waterfront or in my own backyard to do walking lunges, dips on a bench, sprints up the hill, and that sort of thing.

In the meantime, I’m planning to embark on a journey of better eating. I don’t eat junk food for the most part and don’t stock any in the house as B can’t handle artificial colours, flavours, or preservatives but there are still less-than-healthy choices in my cupboards. I do try to cook from scratch using whole foods and on any given day it is difficult to open a cupboard and grab a ready-to-go snack. Which is good. I like that if I want to eat from boredom I usually have to prepare something. What I’m planning (that word sounds a little more decisive than "hoping") to do is eat more salads and measure (whether physically or by eyeballing) portions since I know that I, and we as a society, eat portions that are grossly beyond what they should be. In the past I have brought lettuce and salad fixings home from the grocery store and had them sit until they rotted. I’m planning to have carrots julienned or chopped, cucumbers on hand, grape tomatoes at the ready (and once my garden yields fruit, cherry tomatoes too), so all I have to do is grab a romaine heart and chop it into a bowl. More salad, less main course. I also plan to use more recipes from my Clean Eating magazines and cookbooks.

I will say honestly that I’m not sure how this will go. Will I do well for a week or two or even three and then peter out? It’s possible. Do I plan to try anyway? Absolutely. One day at a time towards a better body image and a healthier me.

To want to be, that is not enough. To know how to be, that is too little. To want, to know how, to determined to be, that is the way of all successful men. Primary to all of these is self-honesty You can cheat others, now and then. You can rarely cheat yourself. You can never cheat nature.
     — John B. Lust

When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no "I’ll start tomorrow." Tomorrow is disease.
     — V. L. Allineare

Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.
     — John F. Kennedy

If you’re interested in some other great quotes, head over to Toni’s blog and check out Mr. Linky.